I cockslap morals
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
