and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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