no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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