that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
