Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
