Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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