Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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