just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
