There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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