Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
