I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
