i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
