why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
