I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
