Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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