You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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