Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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