I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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