I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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