I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
