I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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