reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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