There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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