My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
3pm strippers are depressing
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize