i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize