Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
