wat bout pragnant strippers??
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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