omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
