If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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