I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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