It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
