she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
