so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
