so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
