well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
