My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
