imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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