if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
