he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
