if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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