i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
