before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
