i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
