fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
