90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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