I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
