We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
