apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
