drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
