It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
