In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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