'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
