Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
