Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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